


Promises

by Destiyell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Casifer, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 20:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5799076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiyell/pseuds/Destiyell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel says yes to Lucifer's deal-because it doesn't matter whether he lives, or dies. He's expendable, right?<br/>That's what he believes, anyway. However, the events that follow his agreement just might change his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> After watching last weeks episode I couldn't stop thinking about this, so, here you go.  
> I'm sorry in advance.

At first, Castiel feels nothing. 

Nothing at all. 

It's such a strange sensation-after years of learning how to _feel,_ and experience _emotions_ -it doesn't seem right to not be feeling anything at all. It's as if he's been restored to factory settings-as Dean might put it.  

And then it changes.  

The first thing Castiel feels is confusion. _Why am I_ _alone? Why is it so dark? Where am I?_  

The next feeling is pain. Physical pain so sudden he wants to cry out-only to find he can't. The pain subsides, only to be replaced by psychological pain. The memories come back to him in a sudden rush, like waves crashing too hard against the shore. He wants to cry, or yell, or just do _something,_  but he can't.  

He'd said _yes_.  

The realization of what he'd done hits him at once and he feels like he can't breathe. _Why had he said yes?_  

 _Oh, right._  

He wanted to prove something-to show how important he really is. And if he messes up, or makes things worse, does it matter? He is _expendable_ , after all. Right? 

Castiel never thought of himself, really. He felt the only thing that mattered was helping his family. First it was the angels, and Heaven. Then it was Sam and Dean. Now, he's not so sure who his family is.  

He hadn't always felt unimportant, like that other angel had said. There was a time when he'd led the way during wars, when he'd fought for Heaven and protected his family. There were moments when he felt as if he was part of _something_ bigger than himself. He'd saved The Righteous Man. He'd fallen to Earth and survived. He'd helped save the world.  

Now he feels he had no place on Earth, or in Heaven. The angels have long since given up on him. Even the Winchesters are doubtful of his importance, in his opinion. And he hates it.  

But they are right, aren't they? 

Castiel was beginning to believe so. Saying yes to Lucifer's deal seemed like the best option. The best way to either prove his worth, or get rid of himself for good. He didn't care either way.  

Now, though, he is beginning to doubt his actions. Everything is dark, and strange, and he feels out of place. He can hear someone talking-someone that sounds a bit like him, but distant. Far away.  

And then there's Dean's voice, but it stops just as quick as it started. The familiar hum of the Impala's engine, growing fainter by the second.  

Everything is quiet for a few moments, and Castiel vaguely wonders if he's dead. Where would he even go when he dies? Purgatory, maybe. But this is nothing like the Purgatory he was in with Dean.  

 _You're not dead, Castiel._  

Castiel jumps, or at least has the intention to, when he hears Lucifer's voice. It sounds like he is talking to him, except not _at_ him. Lucifer's voice surrounds him, as if inside his head. Castiel sighs, feeling annoyed. Sharing a vessel is an odd experience.  

Castiel had almost forgotten that this way, Lucifer has the ability to read his thoughts, his memories. He is never alone, now.  

He doesn't exactly like the idea, but there is nothing he can do about it now. And it doesn't matter, anyway, as long as this helps Sam and Dean in the end.  

 _Do you ever stop thinking about them?_  

Castiel would roll his eyes, if he could. Instead, he thinks back,  _No,_ as quietly as possible.  

Lucifer laughs in that infuriating way he has, and Castiel sighs again. It's going to be a long-well, however long he's stuck like this, it’s going to be hard to deal with.  

The first few days are the worst. Every time Castiel is left alone with just his thoughts, he can't get those words out of his head. _Expendable. Worthless. Unimportant. Weak. Lost. Broken._  

He spends the other portion of his time trying to figure out exactly what Lucifer is doing. Sometimes he'll be told by Lucifer-they'll talk or argue- but mostly he is left to decide on his own.  

He only hopes nothing too bad is happening because of him.  

*** 

Castiel is aware they are in the bunker before Lucifer even says anything. Even though he feels trapped inside his body, he can still sense certain things.  

So he is not surprised when he hears Dean's voice, sounding confused.  

"Cas? Where have you been?" 

"Dean." His voice answers, though it's not him talking. "Is Sam alright?" 

Oh. So Lucifer's going with the _pre_ _tend_ _to be Castiel_ thing. 

Dean is silent for a second, and Castiel can feel the weight behind it. It makes him long to say something, but he can't. Lucifer speaks up before he can even _think_  of a good response.  

"Dean, I am sorry for leaving before. I had to make sure everything was alright. You understand, don't you?"  

"Yeah." Dean answers, and Castiel can faintly see him nodding his head. It's an odd perspective he has, from behind Lucifer, but he can see enough to know what's going on now.  

"Good." Lucifer tilts his head and Castiel can't help thinking it's a strange thing to do. _He_ doesn't tilt his head that often, does he? 

Dean is giving him a look that almost says he's doubtful. Castiel would be happy, but he can't find it in himself to react at all. Not that Lucifer would let him, anyway.  

Lucifer steps forward, then-Castiel can feel his body moving even though he hasn't done anything. It's hard to get used to that. He reaches a hand out and places it on Dean's shoulder, gently. It's then that Castiel realizes his trench coat is gone, and he wonders briefly where it is.  

"This could be a good thing." Lucifer tells Dean, and Castiel wants to know what he's referring to.  

Dean, however, doesn't look like he cares about that. He's giving them the strangest look Castiel has ever seen on his face. His expression itself is hard to read, yet Castiel can feel the confusion behind it. _Why is Dean suspicious?_  

Dean takes a step back, and Castiel watches his hand fall from his shoulder. Lucifer shifts slightly, obviously noticing the odd way Dean is acting.  

"You're not Cas." Dean says, an observation rather than a question. Castiel's attention is piqued-how does Dean know that already? 

"How did you know?" Lucifer asks, voicing Castiel's own thoughts. He's almost grateful, because he wants the answer. Dean already has a hand placed on his gun, though that won't work.  

Dean swallows, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Wrong shoulder."  

He says it so simply, yet Castiel feels like crying. Lucifer is left confused, but he doesn't care. He can't care about anything beside that. Dean _knew_ it wasn't him because he'd touched the _wrong shoulder_. 

It shouldn’t mean much, but it does.  

"Oh! Castiel is very happy about that, for some reason." Lucifer suddenly speaks up, interrupting his thoughts.  

Dean isn't thrown off by that. "Lucifer. Cas said yes, didn't he?" 

Lucifer nods once. "Mm, he was always willing to do anything for you. Always sacrificing himself." 

They're all quiet for a moment. Castiel sucks in a breath, and holds it, trying not to even think anything.  

"You see," Lucifer eventually continues, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking forward. "He really did have a weakness. He was attached to Earth, and humans, and most importantly-you. I'll never understand why, but he's always been willing to throw himself into the line of fire just to save _you_." 

"Where is he?" Dean asks, apparently ignoring Lucifer's speech.  

Lucifer only shrugs in response. "Around." He reaches up and knocks on his head once, twice. "Somewhere up here." 

This doesn't seem to reassure Dean much, but he does let go of his gun. "Stupid son of a bitch." 

Lucifer hums, stepping around Dean like a shark circling it's prey. "It's really too bad. He kept trying to show you, Dean. To show you just how much he cares. And what did he get in return? Nothing but betrayal. You never once told him he was important, did you, Dean?" 

Castiel sighs, desperately wishing Lucifer would just stop talking.  

 _Oh, Cas. I really am sick of this._  

Castiel tries to focus on Lucifer's voice, now invading his mind, filling every crevice of his vessel.  

 _All of this 'pining after Dean' stuff. It's really beginning to get on my nerves. I think it's about time we told him, don't you?_  

 _No._   

Lucifer laughs out loud at Castiel's resounding answer, and Dean gives him a questioning look.  

 _I think we're going to tell him._  

 _And then we'll kill him._  

Castiel is sure that if he still had control over his vessel; if he were human and capable of such a thing, that his heart would have stopped in that moment.  

 _No no no no. NO._  

Lucifer is chuckling again, and Dean still looks just as weary. "What's so funny?" he demands, taking a step away. 

"Oh, Castiel was just telling me a joke. He's pretty funny, once you get his sense of humor." 

 _No no_ _not Dean don't hurt Dean don't touch him no no_  

Lucifer steps closer again, and Dean matches him with a step back.  

"He loves you, you know." 

Castiel's breath hitches, but Lucifer shows no sign of feeling it. He moves again, and this time Dean seems frozen in place.  

 _Move, Dean. Leave, go, run_  

"It's why he's so willing to give up everything for you. He fell in love somewhere along the way. Sure, he cares about Sam too, and most of humanity. But when it comes down to it, someone always comes first in his pretty little head. That person would be you, Dean.  

"And I don't get it at all, really. Why love someone who never shows any sign of caring back? It doesn't make sense." Lucifer shrugs, sighing softly.  

Castiel is hit with flashbacks of all the times Dean _did_ prove he cares.  

 _"I'd rather have you." "Don't ever change."  "I'm not leaving without you." "You're family." "I need you."_  

"You two have always had-what did he call it? Ah, right, a profound bond." Lucifer's voice drags Castiel out of his thoughts again, and he holds his breath.  

"But it went deeper for Castiel, I suppose. He learned how to feel, and along with that he learned what it meant to love someone. No idea why he picked you, of all people, but that's his choice." 

 Dean stays silent the whole time Lucifer explains things, and Castiel wishes he'd just say _something_. He needs to know what his reaction to all of this is.  

"Well. Too late to do anything about that now, isn't it?" Lucifer takes another few steps forward, stopping when he's directly in front of Dean. Dean glances up at him, a mixture of strong defiance and barely hidden fear on his features.  

"Such a shame." Lucifer reaches a hand out, and Dean nearly jumps back, trying to avoid it. Lucifer is faster, though, and grabs onto Dean's wrist as tight as he can.  

 _No stop please don't do this_  

Dean tries to pull away from Lucifer's grip; uses his other hand to punch him in the face. Castiel doesn't feel it as much as he feels Lucifer stumble back-though he's still holding onto Dean's wrist.  

"Oh, it's not going to be that easy. See, I want to let Castiel watch this happen. It'll be fun." 

Dean struggles to pull himself away, but almost as soon as he manages it, Lucifer is kicking him so hard he falls to the floor. Castiel wishes he could stop it, or that Sam will show up, or Dean will just kill him and Lucifer together. He doesn't care if he dies, not if it'll save Dean. 

"He's doing it _again_. Even now, all Castiel wants to do is help you. So romantic, isn't it?" 

"Shut up." Dean mutters, breathing hard as he tries to stand back up. Lucifer is quick to stop him, though, and knocks him back to his knees. He grabs Dean's hair, pulling him closer and making him wince in pain.  

 _Stop now please don't touch him he needs to be okay_  

Castiel thinks this feels like when Naomi took over; forced him to beat Dean within an inch of his life. He hated what he'd done then, and he hates it more now. He's fighting to get control back, to turn his body around, but it just _won't go._  

He feels sick and scared and stupid, stupid, stupid for letting this happen. How could he do this? Why did he have to say yes? The flashbacks are enough to make him wish Dean would repeat what he'd said before, whatever it had been to make him snap out of it. _I need you_. Even if it's a lie, Castiel wants to hear it-wants to gain some control.  

Lucifer keeps hitting, and kicking, and Castiel is crying. He knows it must not be showing on the outside, but he swears he feels tears rushing down his face like a horrible rainstorm that won't end.  

 _Please just stop you're killing him he can't die not like this not now_  

Castiel closes his eyes, covers his ears, forces himself not to pay attention. But he can still see the blood covering Dean's face, can still hear the groans escaping his lips; can still feel the movement as a hand that's not really his punches and claws and _hurts_.  

Causing Dean pain makes Castiel scream, loud enough for Lucifer to hear, but his pleas are ignored.  

"You misunderstood Castiel, didn't you?" 

He can hear Lucifer talking to Dean, but it doesn’t matter as much as the punches he's delivering. He's beating him to death, choosing the slowest and most painful way possible at the moment. Castiel keeps shaking his head, keeps begging him to stop.  

"He loved you so much, Dean. Even after he'd been reprogrammed so many times, he always had that unfortunate mistake written into his very being. You're the most important thing in the universe to him, and what do you do? You call on him when you need him-" He pauses, kicking Dean so hard he kneels over, coughing up blood. "-And get rid of him as soon as you're done playing. It's so rude, Dean."  

"You...son of a...bitch." Dean coughs again, blood covering his hands and dripping out onto the floor beneath him. He looks like he's about to cry, but Castiel has a sneaking suspicion it's not all because of the physical pain.  

Lucifer hits again, pulling on Dean's collar with his other hand. Dean lets himself be dragged forward; either because he doesn't have the strength, or he's simply giving up.  

 With every punch delivered, Castiel feels like he's dying as well. He prays for the first time in a long time, but he knows help won't come. It was his job to watch over The Righteous Man and his little brother, and he'd failed them both.  

No wonder he's expendable.  

"Cas, please." Dean's not talking to Lucifer anymore; he's trying to get through to Castiel. It makes him scream in frustration, because he wants to answer. Wants to say everything is going to be alright, even if it's a lie.  

"Please. I know you're in there." Dean coughs, ignoring the kick of Lucifer's shoe into his side. "I'm sorry, Cas. I shouldn't have treated you like that." 

Castiel closes his eyes, shaking his head again. Dean is apologizing, and he shouldn't be. He shouldn't be saying sorry for what Castiel has done wrong.  

"Please, Cas. I love you." 

Castiel is fairly certain that the whole world stops at once. The Earth has to stop spinning, Heaven must be at a standstill, the ocean is no longer moving across it's vast expanse. Everything is changed, because of that one sentence that slipped from Dean Winchester's lips.  

The only thing that hasn't stopped, apparently, is Lucifer. He's still moving, undeterred by Dean's confession. Of course, it doesn't matter much to him, does it?  

Suddenly, Castiel is overcome with a great feeling of power. He no longer wants to help; he _needs_  to help. He needs to gain control of himself, _to stop hurting Dean_. It no longer matters whether he's expendable or not, whether he's made a difference in the world. All that matters is that he loves Dean and _Dean loves him back._  

He fights and pushes and tries to claw his way back to control, taking Lucifer by surprise. His sudden strength is enough to make Lucifer let go of Dean, if only for a brief second. Castiel takes the moment to pull together all of the angelic _mojo_  he has left and force Lucifer to let go.  

 _Give up,_  he thinks, trying to get a grip on the angel blade still tucked inside his sleeve. If he kills himself, they both die, and that's better than the current situation. Dean, who's still on the ground and trying to catch his breath, must notice what's going on. He dives forward just as the angel blade slips out, and manages to knock it out of the way. It slides across the hardwood floor and stops a few feet away.  

 _Dean, no_. Castiel curses silently, while Lucifer lets out a breathless laugh.  

 _Your plan isn't going to work, Castiel._  

Still, Castiel won't give up. He musters up all of the power possible, and just hopes at the last second Dean is smart enough to look away. Searing light fills the library of the bunker; two sets of wings are blown out across the wall and floor. Castiel's eyes are instantly bright, and the blinding light surrounding their bodies lasts for a few seconds before fading out.  

*** 

At first, Castiel feels everything. 

Pain, and sadness, and an odd mixture of _freedom_  soaring through his body.   

He opens his eyes-his own eyes-and sees everything clearly. The blood splattered over the furniture. The books strewn across the table messily. And the shadow of wings burnt into the bunker's floor, spreading out wide behind him.  

Castiel blinks a few times, trying to adjust to the sudden changes; also attempting not to cry. 

"Cas?" 

He turns suddenly, seeing Dean pulling his arm away from where it had been covering his face. Castiel lets out a sigh of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "Dean." 

Immediately, Castiel runs to Dean's side, kneeling down next to him. "Dean, I'm so sorry." 

Dean shakes his head, wincing as he sits up. He lets Castiel hold onto him, keeping him steady as he tries to get his balance back. "Not your fault." 

"It is my fault. I never should have said yes, I should have-" 

"Cas, shut up." Dean says, but he's smiling, so it isn't very threatening. Castiel finds himself smiling back.  

"It's okay. I get why you said yes." 

Castiel tilts his head- _okay, maybe he does do that a lot_ -and wonders if Dean really does understand why he'd agreed to Lucifer's deal. 

"Don't say anything." Dean mutters, sitting up more. "I wanna talk, alright?" 

Castiel nods silently, letting Dean know he can continue. 

Dean sighs, taking a second to collect his thoughts. "You're important, Cas. Really fucking important. I know I don't really show it, but-" He holds up a hand when Castiel opens his mouth to object, telling him to be quiet. "But you are. And I'm sorry for treating you like shit. Damn, you have no idea how fucking scared I just was. When I saw those wings.." 

Castiel looks over in the direction of the wings, standing out like ash against the light color of the floorboards. He turns back to Dean, feeling guilty for scaring him like that. 

"But now I'm just happy you're okay. I'm so fucking happy, Cas." Dean murmurs, reaching out to grab Castiel's hand. Dean's own hand is shaking slightly, so Castiel brings his other hand up to cover it, keeping it steady.  

"I'm glad you're alright too, Dean." 

Dean nods, swallowing and clearing his throat. "I meant what I said." 

Castiel is sure his heart actually does stop this time, and then it starts beating twice as fast, doing flips inside his chest. "You did?" 

"Yeah."  

Dean waits a moment to see if Castiel is going to say anything else, and when he doesn’t, he pulls Castiel down by his hand, and rests his free hand on the back of his neck. He surges forward with as much force as he can manage in his current state, and kisses Castiel fiercely.  

The kiss is done at an odd angle, and tastes slightly of blood. But Castiel doesn’t care. To him, the kiss is perfect. It says everything that was never said out loud. 

 _Stay here. Don’t leave me. I'm so happy you're okay. I'm sorry. You're important. You aren't expendable._  

For the first time in a long time, Castiel feels important. He is no longer the angel that saved the Righteous Man, he is the angel who fell in love with Dean Winchester, and that is all he wants to be.  

Sure, he will continue to come whenever Dean calls, he will continue to help save the world, and he will continue to question his decisions and beliefs. But that is okay, as long as he can also continue to have moments like this. 

He kisses Dean again, and Dean kisses back and shifts his body to get a better angle. There are tears falling down both of their faces as Castiel heals Dean and leads him to his room to get some rest. Dean pulls Castiel against him, pressed together under the sheets as they kiss once, twice, a hundred more times. Each kiss is a promise from them both.  

Castiel promises to never leave again, to always be here for Dean. 

 Dean promises that Castiel is one of the most important things to him, and he won't ever let him forget it.  

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well. I said I was sorry.  
> (Also I didn't edit this at all please excuse any mistakes I'm so sorry)  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this at least a little bit. If you did, let me know by leaving a kudos or a comment. I love feedback as much as Dean loves Cas.


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